Burning Red
by TwinkLoverXO
Summary: "Losing him was blue like I've never known, missing him was dark gray all alone." In one school year, Kendall gained and lost the best friend he'd ever had. He should have known better than to fall in love with somebody so far out of his league. Kames slash.


**A Minnesota fic. A Songfic to Taylor Swift's song "Red". I based this story off of an experience I had last year with a girl at my school who showed me amazing friendship and love and then pulled it all out from under my feet. So this is dedicated to SK.**

**And by the way, I'm working on an absolutely amazing one-shot/two-shot/possible three-shot. Seriously, it's absolutely genius. You guys are gonna fucking love it. I'll give you one hint: "I'm callin on you cause I can't do it myself. To me you're like a brother, so be my..." –The Lonely Island**

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**"_Loving him was red."_**

Kendall still remembers everything about the day he first spoke to James. The smell of the trees in October of his junior year in the high school courtyard, the new pencils he was using to draw in a brand new sketchbook, the worn-in gray hoodie he was wearing.

It hurts to think about. Just the thought can bring tears to Kendall's eyes and make his breathing go shallow. Seeing James is a different matter. How is it that somebody can get so close to you just to pull away and become a stranger? Kendall can't let people go. It's his fault, he figures, for placing so much weight on the relationship he and James had at the time. If you could even call it that.

**_Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street..._**

**_Faster than the wind,_**

**_Passionate as sin, ended so suddenly..._**

That October morning was special. Something was supposed to happen that day. Kendall was sitting by a tree surrounded by fiery red and orange leaves, sketching a boy. Absentmindedly Kendall drew flushed cheeks and a winning smile. A small cleft in the chin. Dazzling eyes with crinkles at the sides. When people walked past, Kendall found himself hiding the page from their path of vision, and realized that he had just drawn the captain of the hockey team, James Diamond, who just happened to be standing ten feet from Kendall in front of their high school. It was his junior year and in the 3 years he'd been going to school with James he had never dared let his eyes linger on him for more than a few moments. And here he was, having blatantly stared at James for who knows how long.

To Kendall's horror, the most gorgeous guy he had ever seen glanced in his direction and locked eyes with Kendall. The apathetic look made him want to throw up. James tore his gaze from Kendall and resumed talking to a teammate next to him, Carlos Garcia. The two laughed quietly and Kendall kept his eyes glued to the page in front of him. He erased the smile on the lips and the brows he had drawn and re-did them, this time holding a cold scowl.

Kendall shut his sketchbook and stared at the small tear on the knee of his black skinny jeans. Out of the corner of his eye Kendall saw James leave his spot next to Carlos Garcia and head in his direction. James was walking past and Kendall's palms were sweating. He was almost in the clear when James stopped and turned to face him.

"Kendall, right?"

Those words would ring in his ears forever.

He managed a small 'yes' and watched as James nodded in reply before turning and walking away.

**_Loving him is like trying to change your mind_**

**_Once you're already flying through the free fall._**

It started with James occasionally saying hey as he passed Kendall. They would hold eye contact in the hallways and at first Kendall was sure that was all they'd ever have until one day after school when James sat under the tree by Kendall.

There was awkward small-talk as James took out his homework and cautiously asked Kendall what he was drawing. Kendall told him 'stuff'. James worked quietly beside Kendall and they slowly became more comfortable. The scarlet leaves coated the ground and formed a thick blanket over the grass. James said that fall was his favorite season. He liked all the different colors.

Every day Kendall tapped his pencil anxiously on his desk and counted down the minutes to when he and James would get together after school. They had their own world there. The two sat under the tree after everybody was gone and it was like nobody even existed but them.

One day James grabbed Kendall's sketchbook and flipped through it, Kendall too flabbergasted to fight him.

"This me?" James pointed to the picture Kendall had drawn on that first day, the one with the angry brows. Kendall nodded and scoured the other's face for any reaction, but his expression was unreadable. Finally James said, "Let me draw you."

Kendall laughed and handed over a pencil.

The picture James drew shocked Kendall into silence. When James turned the composition book around he saw a flawless portrait of himself. He told James what great an artist he was and James brushed it off and proceeded to explain how skilled he was at hockey.

**_Like the colors in autumn,_**

**_So bright just before they lose it all..._**

They had an understanding that they would meet at the tree as soon as school let out on days that James didn't have hockey practice. He never failed to remind Kendall which days these would be.

Except one day when James didn't show up. It was far enough into November that Kendall could see his breath. He waited up for James for an hour. It was obvious after the first fifteen minutes that James wasn't coming but Kendall waited anyway. There was no way he was letting a piece of heaven just get away that fast. But he finally decided to start walking home when his hands went numb.

That evening when Kendall was pushing his dinner around the plate with a fork, all alone at the kitchen table, the phone rang.

"You want me to get that?" he shouted and when his mother didn't reply, he picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"_Kendall? It's James Diamond._" As if there was any other James.

"Hi."

"_I'm sorry I didn't show today. I'll be there tomorrow._"

"Okay."

And James was there the next day. The cold was becoming unbearable, though. They moved their little chats to the library until the middle of December when James asked Kendall to come over. Of course he jumped at the opportunity.

James' house was huge and although his parents were a little overprotective, Kendall always looked forward to going there. Mrs. Diamond kept the house smelling like a Yankee Candle store and the scent of pumpkin spice air freshener would be forever burned in Kendall's memory. They rarely spent time in James' room because Mrs. Diamond repeatedly interrupted them as soon as they shut the door.

Looking back, Kendall can't quite remember exactly what he and James spent hours talking about, but he knew that every second of it was like a dream. He would do anything to relive just one day he had spent with James, even just one hour. Just to feel the sentiment of being with James again.

**_And that's why he's spinning round in my head,_**

**_Comes back to me burning red..._**

They shared their first kiss on the last day of school before Christmas break.

James had been driving Kendall home and they settled into silence after pulling into Kendall's driveway.

"Kendall." James' eyes flickered up to gaze at him. He quickly leaned forward and locked lips with Kendall before pulling back and saying, "Do you ever think about that?"

Kendall's cheeks were burning, and his voice cracked as he said, "All the time."

He couldn't stop his mind from wandering all Christmas break. James was out of town visiting his relatives for Hanukkah and Kendall stayed in his room all week with his head in the clouds. What did this mean for them? What the hell was the captain of the hockey team doing with a quiet "starving artist" type who had no friends?

Finally he decided that asking questions wasn't going to do him any good. He and James just were. There was no need for an explanation.

His heart was ablaze and all he cared about was James. The rosy tint to James' cheeks, the fire in James' eyes, the blood racing through Kendall at James' touch.

It was disappointing when James made no attempt to make Kendall his. They didn't talk in school. Not that Kendall really expected to, but it would have been nice if James wasn't acting like the kiss hadn't even happened.

One day Kendall was sick of it and grabbed onto James and pulled him into a possessive kiss in the parking lot after school. James was breathing heavily after he had pulled away and soon a flustered smile broke through the confusion.

"I really like you," Kendall whispered. He didn't want to look at James' face, his expression. But he did. The hazel eyes were dancing scarlet and from that point on he knew that James had all the power; the power to hurt Kendall, to wrap him around his finger, to make him jump through hoops. But he didn't abuse it.

**_Losing him was blue like I'd never known,_**

**_Missing him was dark grey all alone,_**

**_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met..._**

**_But loving him was red._**

**_Loving him was red..._**

Kendall had never thought he was much of a romantic, but was proven wrong when Valentine's Day came and he was anxiously waiting for something from James, anything. A kiss, maybe. Or their fingers intertwined.

Kendall ended up pinned against the wall of the 1st floor guys' bathroom after school let out, James devouring his neck and roughly palming his crotch. Kendall's hands moved over James' body and he found that he knew every muscle, every curve, like the back of his hand. He ached to drink everything in, so he could remember everything about this moment, forever.

James' name spilled effortlessly from Kendall's lips over and over. He shamelessly thrust into James' touch until he came with an embarrassing little sigh.

They held hands for the first time after this, Kendall's palm sweating as they cautiously walked through the empty halls and out to James' car.

Kendall's mom didn't ask why he was so late coming home from school that day. She could tell by his flushed cheeks and the dreamy, faraway look in his eyes that he had been with somebody. Kendall snagged the bouquet of red roses from the counter, probably a gift to his mother from a date, and took them up to his room. He stared at the petals.

**_Touching him is like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you..._**

**_Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song..._**

James invited Kendall to the lunch table with the hockey team one day in late February. Kendall felt like he was walking on broken glass. Making a bad impression to Dak Zevon and Jett Stetson would have surely been the end of him.

But he was surprised by how friendly the guys actually were. They talked about normal things like brawls on the ice, girls, and hook-ups. Kendall was positive that James had never told them about liking guys. He had a hunch that it wouldn't go over well.

Dak said that Camille Roberts was a freak in bed and a squirter, a remark that made Kendall lose his appetite. James asked him how he knew.

"I hit it before she started dating that Mitchell guy. He's gotta be getting it on the regular."

"Why'd you never date her?" Carlos Garcia asked. The table stared at Dak for an answer.

"Too weird," he replied, shrugging. "Hey James, you and Jen still doing it?" All focus was on James now.

Kendall's heart fell into his stomach. James was fucking somebody.

"Ooh, the Jens!" Carlos clapped loudly. "Nice! Which one?"

"Half-y," Jett answered.

"What are you guys even talking about?" James' genuine laugh made it apparent that he really didn't know what was going on.

"She said you guys fucked at Lucy Stone's party last Friday."

"I wasn't even at that party!" James was really laughing now, and so was Kendall. Because he knew James was telling the truth. He had hung out with James last Friday.

"Good for you, James. Keepin' it clean," Carlos said, and then added, "because she's mine."

"Uh, no offense, Carlos, but I'm the one she's bragging about. She kinda wants the D." James was shamelessly teasing Carlos and watching as he grew angrier by the second.

James chanced a wink at Kendall and nudged him. At that moment, Kendall knew he was in love.

The two of them met at James' car after school and after a few minutes of small talk, they were in their seats and driving to a little homemade ice rink a half hour from the school near the woods. Kendall's skates were old and beat-up and James' were freshly-polished but it didn't matter; the ice was nowhere near perfect and they just glided along and held hands.

When the sky had turned a deep indigo and the icy wind was too much for Kendall, James helped him back into the car and turned on the heat.

The rest of the evening was a blur of snowflakes on the windshield, rough kisses, and the dark of the backseat of James' car.

Kendall had never felt a pain so good, a passion that strong. He gripped onto James for dear life as he submitted to him completely, surrendering everything.

James released inside of Kendall with a shuddering moan. He collapsed on top of him and Kendall was intoxicated by James, drunk on him.

**_Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong..._**

"I drew something for you," Kendall said quietly, biting his lip. It was early March and the snow was melting by the tree the two had sat by all of fall. James stared at him expectantly and watched as Kendall turned to the right page in his sketchbook and revealed a drawing of their tree. The autumn leaves were gently falling to the ground in the picture. James smiled softly and took the sketchbook from Kendall.

"Now I owe you a drawing." James dropped to his feet next to the tree and reached inside his backpack for a pencil.

Kendall first felt it on March 22nd. He would remember that date forever. James walked right past Kendall in the hallway without so much as a glance in his direction. He thought for sure that James was just distracted and didn't think anything of it. But then it happened again. Kendall texted James during lunch and there was no reply. James was sitting with the hockey team, blatantly "too occupied" to talk to anyone else.

That night Kendall got a text from James saying, "Sorry I didn't text back earlier." He quickly replied saying it was okay, everything was fine. The two had a brief conversation, a shallow one, before James just stopped texting back. Kendall shoved his face into his pillow and forced himself to sleep.

It was the very same way the day after that. Kendall couldn't make heads or tails of it. Everything had seemed fine just a week before. He didn't want to admit defeat so he refused to believe that James was pulling away. James was just... keeping to himself. It would stop.

Later that week Kendall stopped James in the hallway, mid-conversation with Jett, and said, "What's up with you?"

James stared at him, dumbfounded, before forcing a laugh and a confused, "Huh?"

What the fuck was he doing? Kendall was trying so hard not to let it get to him but it was impossible. James was his first time. But he was starting to feel like he was just another knot in James' bedpost.

**_And that's why he's spinning round in my head,_**

**_Comes back to me burning red._**

That's the way it continued. Two weeks had passed since the two of them had last texted. Or rather, since the last time James had texted back.

Kendall couldn't decide which was worse: seeing James or not seeing him. It was painful to look at James in the hallway when he was going out of his way to avoid eye contact with Kendall. But after seeing him almost every day for months, having to go without seeing James' smile was agonizing.

**_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes..._**

It was when his mother asked why James hadn't been around that Kendall really lost it. She was making dinner and he was leaning against the counter, fiddling with his phone and debating whether or not to text James just for the hell of it. When she asked, he felt hot tears flood his eyes. Mrs. Knight was at his side instantly and wrapped him in a protective hug. It felt like he was a little kid again.

His mother coddled him for the rest of the night. Although she'd suspected for a while that there was something between James and her son, that night made her positive.

The school year was over before Kendall knew it and summer vacation started off feeling no better than the second half of the school year had been. He and his little sister stayed with their father in Minneapolis for a month and he finally felt his pain ceasing. He spent his spare time going on long walks and sitting under the big tree in his father's backyard with his sketchbook and a pencil.

Kendall's heart crumbled when he received a text in August: _Kendall, it's James! Do you know when they're mailing out our schedules for this year?_

Did James seriously think that Kendall had deleted his number, that he had forgotten about him for even a second? Kendall had been waiting by his phone since fucking March when James started to pull away. For the first time ever, Kendall didn't text James back.

**_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes_**

**_Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go._**

**_But moving on from him is impossible,_**

**_and I still see it all in my head..._**

The first day of school came and Kendall had a fresh new backpack and never-been-used school supplies. It was his senior year and he somehow knew that this school year would be better than the last. He wouldn't fall in love with a guy that didn't give a shit about him, that was for sure.

Now, a month into the school year, Kendall does his best to avoid the tree that brought he and James together. He does his best not to dwell on James and focuses on making better friends with a guy in his Chemistry class, Logan Mitchell.

But one day when he's waiting for his mother to pick him up from school, he sees the tree. He pulls out his sketchbook and flips through the pages until he finds his sketch of James from the beginning of last school year. He studies it, runs his fingers over the strong, stern brows and remembers how he first drew James' eyes. Friendly and inviting. The scowl seems to suit the drawing better.

Kendall is shaken out of his thoughts by the honk of his mother's car horn. He holds up his index finger,_ be there in a second_, and takes one last stare at the sketch. Kendall gently tears the sheet from the binding of the sketchbook and, taking a look around to make sure most of the students are already gone, lets the paper slip from his fingers and be carried away by the wind. He doesn't watch where the wind takes it.

Kendall climbs into the passenger seat of his mother's car, knowing that he has finally let go of James.

But he doesn't see the tall popular guy waiting outside of the school for his ride, his hockey duffel bag by his feet, who notices a sheet of paper gliding across the pavement of the sidewalk and chases it down. The boy picks up the sheet of paper and takes a long look at it. He drops it the second he realizes that he's looking in a mirror.

**_Burning red._**

**__****_Cause loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street._**


End file.
